I hate, hate, hate the stigma attached to the image of “step-mother.” It’s so ugly and hateful. Right, I mean when you hear the word step-mother you think of Cinderella and you immediately feel defensive for Cinderella. I want to be defensive for Cinderella, that’s for sure! Anyway, I hate it. Did I say I hate it? The word just seems ugly in today’s society. I would rather be called “Rubber gloves.” This was a name my step-son gave me long ago, it faded with time. But hey…points for creativity! I came in to my step-son’s life when he was 11 months old. He was the cutest freaking chunky monkey of a toddler! He would actually let me hold him and rock him. My son started walking and has never sat still long enough to rock since. As my step-son ages into full blown teenage years I see his struggles. Common struggles. Normal struggles. Struggles that I have watched my other two older children go through. However, for him it is different. He feels it differently. He processes it differently. When I watch his face, I feel those familiar feelings that I felt when going back and forth between my parents homes. Sometimes, I woke up mad and to this day I couldn’t really tell you why. Now, as a reflective adult, I realize that I was confused and didn’t know how to maturely, objectively process my feelings. Anyway, I see these moments in him. He is smart, handsome as all get out, and athletic. He has a great mother and step-father. Throughout these years, we have all grown up together learning how to conquer this whole co-parenting thing. We have had our struggles, we have had to forgive each other, and we have had to decide that our kiddo is the most important thing. I tell my step-son every so often something that I would never openly tell my other children. Although, my oldest child will read this blog and then my secret is out.. I tell him that becoming his step-mom was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and it has been the most life changing. He smiles when I say this now. Although, the first time I said it to him he cocked his head and looked at me funny. He said, why was it hard? I said, I am a control freak and I had no control!! It has humbled me and made me grow in uncomfortable ways that I wasn’t ready to accept. Then he laughed… It was the most honest answer and he knew it. I have learned that even though this family is my “first family” it is a “blended first family.” So what does that mean? It means that we are still blended. I am married to my husband and my step-son’s mother and his step-father. I was so naive to to think that it was just between my husband and I. Does the final decision of the things that happen in our home come down to my husband and I, the answer is yes. However, his mom is his mom. Let me say that again..His mother is his mother. So that means that my husband informs her, talks to her, and gets her opinion on things concerning my step-son. Do we talk about these things…yes we do. Do we consider her opinion and thoughts..ABSOLUTELY! Did it take myself, my husband, and my step-son’s mother a while to figure this concept out. You better believe it!! Are we perfect at it?? Nope..sure aren’t. We are human, so there’s that. However, I have a step-son that knows that he is loved. His confidence has grown because he feels secure. He doesn’t have to wonder what drama will ensue between adults. He knows that he is loved! He feels the exact opposite of how I felt as a step-child. People, you better believe every day that my goal for his life as a step-child is to be one million times better than mine! I may not get it all right the first time and I do make plenty of mistakes. However, he knows I would physically assault a full grown gorilla in order to protect him. Folks, to me, when they know you have their back even if they know nothing else…well, that’s a win in my book! This is cheers to a few more years of teenage confusion and killing this co-parenting thing!
PS..If you struggle in your co-parent situation. Make a decision to show your children how Christians treat each other and then actually stick to it. You can’t control the other parent, but you can control yourself~
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