Month: August 2016

I am so excited that school is back in session for my kiddos. At the same time, I am sad that my calendar has started to look like a rainbow puked on it. (Everything is color coded) We go back to homework, practices, and a zillion activities. This year especially, has reminded me that I only have 5 more years to make sure that my sons are fully prepared for adult life. 5 more years to make sure that they know how to manage money, shower properly (the struggle is real!), and be responsible. Questions come to mind such as: “Are they confident enough to oppose peer pressure against drugs, sex, etc?” “Do they realize how crazy some girls are?” (Ladies, don’t be offended. Be honest with yourselves, you know what I am talking about here) “Are they able to communicate effectively their needs and be resourceful for themselves?” The answer to these questions are unclear to me. That freaks me out! So, my fourteen year old has been bombarded with uncomfortable talks that include: honoring himself and his future wife, characteristics of crazy girls to watch for, and the outcomes of drug abuse. Honestly, he has been tired of me talking but he is too nice to tell me to stop. Today, as I am having another talk with him, he asked me if we could take a break from the talks. I honored him since he handled it like an adult and was polite about it. First off, the fact that my teenage son communicated to me like a calm, peaceful adult made me so proud. He didn’t react, he didn’t show impatience or frustration, he just asked calmly. I can check “calm communicator” off my list of things to teach him. Through all of this thinking, I have started to think about making my children’s every moment a priority. Not that they weren’t already a priority, but I am focusing more on every little second we have because those seconds are slowly drifting away. So now we get up every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 5:30am and we work out together to start our day. We have time together to talk, listen, and learn about each other as individuals. It has been so refreshing to learn about life from his point of view. (teenage boys are gross and weird, but I don’t let that show on my face! I am stoic..I am strong!) It’s even more weird to see him as a small man rather than my little boy. I struggle with that concept everyday!! I will continue to adapt and find ways to connect, teach, and listen to my boys. Every time they want something from me I tell them I will do it if they will have a serious talk with me. It worked one time. The barter was for a video game and my step-son was a trooper through my speech and totally engaged with me in the conversation. He was happy with the video game and I felt like an accomplished parent having spoke immense wisdom into his life! That’s called a “win, win” folks! I say all of this to say, DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET THROUGH TO THEM. The world plays a ruthless game with our children. I will go to endless lengths to make sure they know what they need to know, have confidence in themselves, and are prepared for life as much as possible.

PS. Make sure and have some fun while doing it!

Until next time…. Amanda C

 

 

So, I have to write a post on this topic. I feel like I am being called to write it… It seems that in society today that there are so many people with the “victim mentality.” This may be controversial to some, but it is not intended to be. It is merely my observation and opinion. When I say, “Victim Mentality” I mean those who never find fault in themselves but are always able to find fault in someone else. I feel like this mentality steals the thunder of those who really are victims in this world. In reality, we are all a victim of something. What makes the difference in life is if we choose to live in this place in our own minds. Some of us have significant reasons to be a victim. Some of  us don’t really have a reason at all, but we were never raised to see our own faults so we innately make it someone else’s fault. Either way, who does this help? Does it help any of us to live blaming others for our hurt? Nope, it only causes us to continually hurt, hate, blame shift, and never live up to what God created us to do. I can say this because I spent a lot of time in early adulthood living in this mentality. Making my parents feel awful for never being the parents that I thought they should be or protecting me the way that I thought they should. Now that I am a mother and a nurse, I see what my parents did for me. They didn’t mean to do it, but it was kinda just the circumstances at the time. They didn’t rescue me from life. They didn’t talk to my teachers for me. They didn’t coddle me or fight my battles for me. They stepped in after I proved that I had exhausted all my resources. But believe me, I had to prove that I had attempted communication through the “chain of command.” (My dad is a retired Lt. Col. for the Army) Everything was about respect and following the chain of command. If you know him today, he is nothing like he was when I was growing up. My kids see a much softer side. I mean seriously, there was no pouting or acting like a baby when it came to my dad. He had no mercy because he knew the world would have no mercy. My brother got sent to military school for an entire summer. I will never forget dropping him off. I realized at that point in time, my dad wasn’t playing around! It hit home people! Coming back to my original point… I know enough about myself to know that I am strong-willed. If I hadn’t had my dad there, challenging me to act right and be better, where would I be? Who would I be? When I got pregnant at 19, he said good luck. He supported me emotionally and he has always been a wonderful grandpa.. but he wanted me to feel the extent of my decisions. My very real, very life altering decisions. I am glad that he did! It has made me better, more mature, and stronger than I ever imagined. As a nurse today, I watch parents coddle and coddle and coddle some more. It is natural. I catch myself doing it and then I have to talk myself out of it… As my children get older, I am reminded more and more of why I need to step back from taking action and be more of a verbal guide for them. Now, I am not saying that parents should not be parents in situations that call for it… don’t twist this into something extreme. I am saying that we need to allow our children to handle their lives, fight some battles, and fail if they need to. It is the only way that they will learn how strong they are as an individual, how to rely on God, and how to cope effectively. My parents didn’t do everything the right way and I don’t do everything the right way. But I am trying to be a good parent and I know God sees my imperfect effort. (He probably laughs a lot too..it makes me smile to think about me making God laugh….#winning) I have a great friend that is so smart..(she’s a social worker and she is excellent at it!) One day she and I were talking. I am telling her how I feel like I work too much and I am not a good mom for all kinds of reasons. She says, “Amanda, do your kids have a better life than you did at their age?” I say, “Heck yes, my parents fought all the time and childhood was hectic.” She said, “then you are doing your job.” I had never thought about it like that. I was so busy being hard on myself and BLAMING life circumstances for having to work so much that I didn’t realize what I was doing right. This is just one example, but reflecting on life I see how many different times I have done this to myself. For me, it had to do with changing my outlook to simply see what was going right and what I was doing right. We don’t need a world full of people blaming each other. We need a world full of generations of people who know how to help themselves, help each other, and pick themselves up and dust themselves off when the situation calls for it. We need to stop being the victims and start being the winners!