Month: December 2017

Today marks the day that I am officially a teenager again! Right about now you are scratching your head and thinking, “Okay, Amanda has officially lost it.” Before you jump to conclusions and paint me the crazy lady, let me explain. People, today I have been married to the best man ever for 13 years! So, we are officially teenagers again. We grew up together, became best friends, picked each other up, and encouraged each other and through all that we have hit our teen years together, once again!

My husband saw something in me at a young age that I had no insight into until he became my husband. He always knew what he deserved. He was confident, calm, athletic, sexy, and the list goes on. I was a hot mess of emotions, anger, and resentment. My childhood and his childhood were exactly the opposite of each other. I hid my pain and only let a few people in on it and compensated by being an over achiever and a bit OCD. I was and always will be, however, the advocate for the underdog. I guess he liked that about me. Or as he puts it, “I always knew your heart and your heart is good.” I am saying all of this to say, that I am the luckiest girl alive! Through the years, he’s helped me to understand my worth, forgiveness, loved me, and shown me unending grace. I have lit a fire under him to push himself further, achieve his educational goals, work goals, and taught him how to articulate his needs and not be afraid to ask the tough questions. (Communication people… anyone who knows me, knows that’s my thing..;)

And today we celebrate 13 years of two opposites that attract. His weakness is my strength and vice versa! He loves to be in large bodies of water… I love to look at large bodies of water..like from the shore. He loves heights and adventure; I love adventure from the ground and won’t do heights so don’t ask. He doesn’t mind a dirty house; I must have order (I have relaxed over the years..and he’s gotten a bit cleaner…just a bit) And all these things seem to work together pretty perfectly. We are just like everyone else and there are times that we don’t agree, but we know each other and we respect what the other needs. In thirteen years of marriage and a lifetime of love, I continue to learn about my husband.

Things I have learned:

~I won’t ever get tired of his big laugh. The one where he shows ALL of his teeth and his crows feet curl up at the end of his eyes. That laugh never gets old, and melts me every time.

~When to step back.

~A real Man loves his wife, and isn’t afraid to let her shine her light.

~What ride or die love feels and looks like.

~How to accept help.

~What an Amazing Dad and husband looks like in real life on the daily.

~Sacrifice

These are just a few things that I have learned and there is no way to fully express the love that I have in my soul for my husband. He has no idea how much he impacts me, how much I love him, and how much I think about him throughout the day. I hope that everyone in the world gets to feel the kind of love, security, and safety that I feel from my husband. He is my world, the father of my children, my best friend, my soul mate, and my family! To many more years of laughter, love, kids, grand kids, traveling, and adventures with you Johnnie Alan. I love you more much! Happy Thirteenth Anniversary! #rideordie #bloodinbloodout #scholarshipplayer #weareteenagersagain

This year has been a whirlwind of change; in the form of loss, grief, moving, and so much more. 2017 started off rough with the loss of our son-in-law and grandson and has continued to prove to be a challenging year with the loss of two uncles, a cousin, grandmother, and our Emma dog. Along with moving half way across the country and leaving all of our family and friends behind. I have much to write about and many thoughts that circle through my head that I jot down just to get them out, but I have found it difficult to form an actual blog post this year.

The last few months I am reminded that 2017 has been a challenge and grief filled year while being the most adventurous year of my life, all at the same time. All year I have thought about the fact that I can’t wait for this year to be done, because 2018 has to bring good things. (To be frank…It has too..It doesn’t have a choice!) As the year comes to an end and I get ready to celebrate my middle child’s birthday, my wedding anniversary, CHRISTmas, and the New Year, I can’t help but reflect on what this year has done for me on many levels. Personally, I took a leap of faith and left EVERYTHING comfortable and familiar to experience life in California. Professionally, I gained a job that I love and for the first time I feel full-filled in my career while not compromising my ability to be present as a mother and wife. (That compromise is difficult in Nursing…heck, in any type of public service position where shift work is involved!) I love the changes that have occurred and I feel as though we are finally settled and finding our way around, however, now that the dust has settled, the emotions come flooding through.

Talking with my daughter the other day and realizing that we are still here, still standing, still moving forward: it makes me smile. While 2017 can be considered the most challenging year of life thus far, I think it’s all about perspective. I could say that it sucked. Flat out.. 2017 just sucked. But, I don’t think that is a fair assessment and I’ll tell you why. 2017 was the year that so many people who I hold dear went to Heaven. So, how can that suck? The answer is, it can’t! The ONLY thing that I want in life is for my children, husband, and family to be happy and then go to Heaven (HOME!) when it’s their time. That’s it. Happiness. Heaven. Reflecting on those two things, I can’t think negatively about this year. This year is a split second of time. Eternity is forever. In 2017, our family members got called HOME because our God knew it was their time. This year has ensured an eternity of happiness for the family members that we have lost. So I say again, how can that be a bad thing?

As we all come into this holiday season and spend time with our families and friends remind yourself to keep it in perspective. We never know when our last day will come, but we do know what it takes to spend ETERNITY in HEAVEN. Love the people who treat you badly, show them what grace and forgiveness look like. Love them because they may not love themselves. Then cherish everything they do that irritates you because if you lost them, you’d miss their craziness. We all have a head knowledge of these things, but when you have a year like my family has had, you are bluntly reminded that you are not immune from pain and loss. I am not perfect and I most definitely get irritated, but I feel that this year has punched me in the face with the reality of loss and I felt compelled to share it with you all.

This holiday put the phone down, have face to face conversations, smile, love, enjoy, and hug the people in your life. (Even if you feel they don’t deserve it..LOL) Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas!

Sincerely,

Amanda