Today, marks 15 years that we have have been married. Reflecting back on our past, I’m not sure where to start. I saw you a million times in our youth and you were just another friend of my brother’s, over at our house to play. Until, one day you weren’t…you were something more. I noticed you and you noticed me. I was a 14 year old girl with a history of hidden trauma.. and you listened without judgement. You carried my secrets and I trusted you like I had never trusted anyone before. Why you stuck around, I’ll never understand.. but you always came back for more. I didn’t know how to accept a healthy type of love, so I did EVERYTHING in my power to sabotage and undermine our connection. You had your fun as any high school boy would, but you always came back for more. We played chase and had our fun and made plenty of mistakes along the way. I remember thinking that I had done embarrassing things that you’d never forgive, but you always came back for more. I’ll never forget, after bringing Spencer home from the hospital, the time you spent with us making sure he and I were okay. A baby that wasn’t biologically yours.. but you always came back for more. You were so nervous the day you called me to finally profess the depth of your love. You had already proposed twice over the years.. but I never took you seriously. (Rather, I didn’t think I deserved you.) Because you loved me, before I EVER knew how to love myself. You had this big speech about how we are both parents to these amazing boys who happen to be the same age and love their play dates and that it’s time to be serious. And that you’ve always loved me. And you went on and on. And that was it. I WAS SOLD! As a single mom to a single dad who had both had a long, tangled love story.. Let the good times roll..
We got Married December 23rd, 2004 in The First United Methodist Church in our hometown. (I wanted to have it there because that was the church I had grown up in and it had served as a safe place in my life growing up. It will always have a significant place in my heart.) With my brother and now sister-in-law as our witnesses. The date is significant because it is the day of the year that my brother returned home from war and the date he met his now wife face to face for the first time. The date has significance in our family as a day of celebration for all of these reasons and was special to the four people present. It was intimate and sweet and the church was dim and full of poinsettias. We got married without everyone else because no one else understood. They thought we were too young, we didn’t understand committment, we barely knew each other (they had no clue), I wasn’t a good person, you didn’t love me, we are a blended family, we’d never make it…. blah blah blah blah. So let me just say this… I do believe that it is natural for anyone to worry about young one’s getting married, especially understanding the undertaking of blending a family. (Statistically speaking, we should have been divorced after the first day. We were a young family, blended, raising a disabled child, and fostered and adopted another. The statistics for those factors alone causing divorce are astronomical.) We absolutely had no clue what the HELL we were doing. We just knew that we loved each other. We knew at the end of the day that we both have good hearts. (We show it very differently..but it’s in there.) And we both have always known that we are down to do whatever it takes to make it work. That is the stuff that everyone else couldn’t see. They can’t see the deep love. They can’t see the SOUL CONNECTION. (And people, if you have it, then you know what I am saying. It is a SOUL CONNECTION to YOUR CORE.) So, we had our wedding. Intimately, with two people who loved and supported us on a day that is equally special to them. And it ended up being the BEST decision we’ve EVER made.
We started our journey with two small boys and in the last 15 years we’ve had two beautiful girls, fostered and adopted our oldest daughter, had two baby boys and laid them to rest, had a son-in-law and grandson and laid them to rest, and watched another grandson come into the world. Has it been easy.. HELL NO, it has been the most difficult ride of my 37 years and my childhood was no cakewalk… Has it been worth it. EVERY SINGLE MINUTE. The challenges have been real and the rewards have been epic.
Since the day, literally the first day, our journey started we’ve had every challenge thrown at us. From lack of family support and understanding, to Gracie’s birth, to making it through college, to dollar tree Christmases, to blending kiddos, to surviving with one car, to losing many loved ones. All the way to master’s degrees, from Oklahoma to California, to job changes, to role changing into grandparents, to letting our kids grow up. We’ve always said that our marriage is on purpose, with intention, and that God has planned it. The devil has always tried to throw wrenches in our plans… and some of those wrenches have been big, hit hard, and caused a lot of pain. But we always said the devil only tries to break down what he knows is a threat. This marriage, our bond, this family that we’ve worked hard for must be intended to move mountains because the devil sure has tried hard. But we’ve always endured. I could not be more proud of this family. We have built the best.
Johnnie Alan Chapman, thank you for always coming back for more. For showing a broken girl her self worth when you could have easily taken advantage. For sticking around through my neurotic OCD behavior because that was my only coping mechanism at the time. For your patience, grace, forgiveness, and most of all your love. For seeing me for who I really am and not what happened to be showing in the moment. For always being the calm to my storm. For being my sounding board. For holding me in moments, hours, days, and weeks of immense grief. For laying on hospital floors with me. For never leaving my side. For giving me permission to fail. For giving me permission to rest. For stepping up to be a father to a son that needed you. For stepping up to be a father to a daughter that needed us both. For being my partner in life. For being the BEST DAD a mother could ask God to give her children. And for being my best friend and forever soul mate.
You are my past, present, and future. I love you more than anything. I wouldn’t trade one moment of our big, noisy, blended, beautiful life. Happy Anniversary my love.. Ride or Die!
Always,
Your wife.
blendedfirstfamily 