Author: blendedfirstfamily

Today marks the day that I am officially a teenager again! Right about now you are scratching your head and thinking, “Okay, Amanda has officially lost it.” Before you jump to conclusions and paint me the crazy lady, let me explain. People, today I have been married to the best man ever for 13 years! So, we are officially teenagers again. We grew up together, became best friends, picked each other up, and encouraged each other and through all that we have hit our teen years together, once again!

My husband saw something in me at a young age that I had no insight into until he became my husband. He always knew what he deserved. He was confident, calm, athletic, sexy, and the list goes on. I was a hot mess of emotions, anger, and resentment. My childhood and his childhood were exactly the opposite of each other. I hid my pain and only let a few people in on it and compensated by being an over achiever and a bit OCD. I was and always will be, however, the advocate for the underdog. I guess he liked that about me. Or as he puts it, “I always knew your heart and your heart is good.” I am saying all of this to say, that I am the luckiest girl alive! Through the years, he’s helped me to understand my worth, forgiveness, loved me, and shown me unending grace. I have lit a fire under him to push himself further, achieve his educational goals, work goals, and taught him how to articulate his needs and not be afraid to ask the tough questions. (Communication people… anyone who knows me, knows that’s my thing..;)

And today we celebrate 13 years of two opposites that attract. His weakness is my strength and vice versa! He loves to be in large bodies of water… I love to look at large bodies of water..like from the shore. He loves heights and adventure; I love adventure from the ground and won’t do heights so don’t ask. He doesn’t mind a dirty house; I must have order (I have relaxed over the years..and he’s gotten a bit cleaner…just a bit) And all these things seem to work together pretty perfectly. We are just like everyone else and there are times that we don’t agree, but we know each other and we respect what the other needs. In thirteen years of marriage and a lifetime of love, I continue to learn about my husband.

Things I have learned:

~I won’t ever get tired of his big laugh. The one where he shows ALL of his teeth and his crows feet curl up at the end of his eyes. That laugh never gets old, and melts me every time.

~When to step back.

~A real Man loves his wife, and isn’t afraid to let her shine her light.

~What ride or die love feels and looks like.

~How to accept help.

~What an Amazing Dad and husband looks like in real life on the daily.

~Sacrifice

These are just a few things that I have learned and there is no way to fully express the love that I have in my soul for my husband. He has no idea how much he impacts me, how much I love him, and how much I think about him throughout the day. I hope that everyone in the world gets to feel the kind of love, security, and safety that I feel from my husband. He is my world, the father of my children, my best friend, my soul mate, and my family! To many more years of laughter, love, kids, grand kids, traveling, and adventures with you Johnnie Alan. I love you more much! Happy Thirteenth Anniversary! #rideordie #bloodinbloodout #scholarshipplayer #weareteenagersagain

This year has been a whirlwind of change; in the form of loss, grief, moving, and so much more. 2017 started off rough with the loss of our son-in-law and grandson and has continued to prove to be a challenging year with the loss of two uncles, a cousin, grandmother, and our Emma dog. Along with moving half way across the country and leaving all of our family and friends behind. I have much to write about and many thoughts that circle through my head that I jot down just to get them out, but I have found it difficult to form an actual blog post this year.

The last few months I am reminded that 2017 has been a challenge and grief filled year while being the most adventurous year of my life, all at the same time. All year I have thought about the fact that I can’t wait for this year to be done, because 2018 has to bring good things. (To be frank…It has too..It doesn’t have a choice!) As the year comes to an end and I get ready to celebrate my middle child’s birthday, my wedding anniversary, CHRISTmas, and the New Year, I can’t help but reflect on what this year has done for me on many levels. Personally, I took a leap of faith and left EVERYTHING comfortable and familiar to experience life in California. Professionally, I gained a job that I love and for the first time I feel full-filled in my career while not compromising my ability to be present as a mother and wife. (That compromise is difficult in Nursing…heck, in any type of public service position where shift work is involved!) I love the changes that have occurred and I feel as though we are finally settled and finding our way around, however, now that the dust has settled, the emotions come flooding through.

Talking with my daughter the other day and realizing that we are still here, still standing, still moving forward: it makes me smile. While 2017 can be considered the most challenging year of life thus far, I think it’s all about perspective. I could say that it sucked. Flat out.. 2017 just sucked. But, I don’t think that is a fair assessment and I’ll tell you why. 2017 was the year that so many people who I hold dear went to Heaven. So, how can that suck? The answer is, it can’t! The ONLY thing that I want in life is for my children, husband, and family to be happy and then go to Heaven (HOME!) when it’s their time. That’s it. Happiness. Heaven. Reflecting on those two things, I can’t think negatively about this year. This year is a split second of time. Eternity is forever. In 2017, our family members got called HOME because our God knew it was their time. This year has ensured an eternity of happiness for the family members that we have lost. So I say again, how can that be a bad thing?

As we all come into this holiday season and spend time with our families and friends remind yourself to keep it in perspective. We never know when our last day will come, but we do know what it takes to spend ETERNITY in HEAVEN. Love the people who treat you badly, show them what grace and forgiveness look like. Love them because they may not love themselves. Then cherish everything they do that irritates you because if you lost them, you’d miss their craziness. We all have a head knowledge of these things, but when you have a year like my family has had, you are bluntly reminded that you are not immune from pain and loss. I am not perfect and I most definitely get irritated, but I feel that this year has punched me in the face with the reality of loss and I felt compelled to share it with you all.

This holiday put the phone down, have face to face conversations, smile, love, enjoy, and hug the people in your life. (Even if you feel they don’t deserve it..LOL) Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas!

Sincerely,

Amanda

I haven’t sat down to do this in a while. To be honest, I didn’t know where I would even start. I love writing and allowing myself that time to express myself, my thoughts, and the endless jargon that rants through my mind. I also love my WordPress account because I can sit and type forever and save it all for a later date. I can write letters to my future self, my kids and their future selves, and MY people in general. I highly recommend it!

Anyway, I guess I’ll take you back to the general place that I left off last winter….My husband and I had a plan, as spouses tend to have. Then he got word that he had an opportunity for a job change, a thousand miles away of course! So we adapted our plan for him to pursue something that he had been praying about….We had been praying about. When your husband looks at you and says, “I feel like God is pulling me toward it.” You set aside your doubts and insecurities about the situation and submit to the will of God that is pulling the leader of your home in that scary, uncertain direction. So, we make some more decisions, change plans again, and again, and again… We had three weeks to find him a home in California, which was very difficult to do from Oklahoma, FYI…But we are a resourceful couple and have lots of friends from our tiny little town that have actually lived right where we were moving. (Imagine that…small world…GOD’s plan, no doubt!) We made the decision that the kids and I would stay behind to allow them to finish out school and say their proper goodbyes. That time would allow us to transition slowly to a new and different life. Then 9 short days after my husband starts his new job, our oldest daughter, our future son-in-law, and our unborn grandson are involved in a car accident that was fatal for our son-in-law and grandson. I will spare you the details and blur of what occurred in that week. It was, is, and will always be a tragedy for our daughter, her in-laws, and our family.

(I am handing you an extremely condensed version of events because it would be a book to give it all to you.)

All of that being said…fast forward through changing work schedules in order to single mom this situation, make enough money to support two homes (California ain’t cheap!), home school our youngest daughter, sell our house, sell my husband’s truck, finish my master’s degree, and get all these kids to all activities. (because trying to keep it as normal as possible is what Mom’s do, am I right?) All of this while helping my eldest grieve her loss, heal physically, and maintain her spirituality.

Side note: I have to say, my mother and I haven’t always agreed. In fact, our personalities have differed immensely since I came out of her womb… 😉 However, she is always there running errands, helping me with kids, and driving me crazy and I appreciate every moment of her time and how she chooses to show me love.

Again, that’s the basics. The details of life the last few months would absolutely be a 500 page book of crazy days with my big blended family. Moving on, we are just approximately one week away from the 4 month anniversary of the loss of Austin and Jaxon. I have watched our daughter go through a slew of insane emotions. 99% of which the public will never see or know, because she does not want them to and she struggles with allowing people to really know her. The other night we had a meeting with our Arbonne sisters. (I promote Arbonne and so does my daughter) As usual, our meetings are filled with spiritual men and women that come to educate and inspire (That’s exactly why I love this company so much!) As my daughter said when we left the meeting, “I don’t know if just attended an Arbonne team meeting or church, but I love it.” We laughed as she said it and it couldn’t be more true. As we are driving to the nearest Panera to eat we start talking about our life purpose. The conversation gets real, really quickly. The things I hear coming from daughter are thoughts of guilt, doubt, anger, disbelief and disgust with herself. WHAT??? REALLY?? I got mad at her…. I got so mad at her… I couldn’t believe after ALL that she has lived through (which was well over anyone I have ever known, long before losing her loves) that she was having these thoughts. My nursing/psychology side knows this is normal, but my mom side knows that I have poured Christ into her and this was unacceptable.

Another side note: I am a CHRISTIAN. I BELIEVE IN A LOVING AND FORGIVING GOD. I will admit that I cuss a bit ( I feel like sometimes you have to working in the ER, that’s my justification and I am working on it), I get frustrated, I am FLAWED, and I am HUMAN just like all of you. All of those things in mind, I know who I serve, where I am going, and I look forward to that day of ultimate love and relief when GOD feels that I have served my purpose on this EARTH.

So while I am sitting in the car talking to my daughter, fighting with which side of my brain I am going to listen to, I start to talk to her.

Another side note: Every talk my husband and I have had with her through the years is what I like to call a “Fly by the seat of our pants” kind of talk. I start off with what I know needs to be said and whatever comes out of my mouth just comes. Remember, our biological children are younger, hence, we weren’t prepared for sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll kinda talks. On another side note, I can officially say that we have since mastered EVERY uncomfortable talk that can be had with any age of human being. I am looking to hold lecture trainings for parents at some point in the future..hehehehe!

Moving on, she is talking and I start to spew from my mouth what I would consider a sermon worthy speech! And it goes something like this (again, the condensed version):

Do you really feel that way about yourself? Do you really think that you don’t deserve good things? Do you really BELIEVE that GOD created you to be depressed, unloved, and to fail? Or do you KNOW that we are in a spiritual battle every second of every day? Do you know that the devil wants you to feel guilty for surviving, loving yourself, and moving forward? Do you know that EVERYTHING that the devil does YOUR GOD means for good? The devil wants you to feel like if you move forward your forgetting Austin and Jaxon and that is a LIE! Austin and Jaxon are in HEAVEN. They want you to look up at them and smile while you take steps forward. They are not behind you, they are in front of you and they will remain in front of you calling you forward until the day that you are called to be with them in Heaven. The devil will have you believe that your Loving God took them from you and is punishing you. The devil wants you to be angry at GOD for doing this. The TRUTH is that GOD sees your hurt, he is crying with you because he knows how it feels to lose a child and watch a child suffer. He is holding you and loving you even when you are angry and doubting him. So this is what I am going to say to you: The devil means to steal your happiness, kill your spirit, and destroy your life. That is what he comes to do. Place that anger on the one who deserves it and that is the devil, NOT GOD. Accept and trust that your God saved your boys and even though the devil meant if for bad, God has made it good and will continue to do so. In your memories of Austin, while you replay that accident in your head and you hear shattering glass and you are breathless and paralyzed with fear and the chaos that surrounds you. BE STILL and remember that he reached across to protect you and Jaxon. In that chaos, there is beauty. That beauty is that memory of a good man, loving you, and exemplifying the type of father that he already was!

Needless, to say we cried and cried and cried. We replayed the accident from her point of view. I got loud and shouted at her that GOD loves her. I refused to accept the negative and doubtful perception that the devil tries to bring to her. I told her to choose her perception. She can choose to allow the devil to replay pain, to bring her grief, and take her joy. Or she can choose to see it for what it is when the devil is making that attempt on her thoughts. She can slowly close that door in her mind on the devil and make it to where he is unable to walk through it.

I work on this daily and I am no angel, TRUST ME I know where I am lacking. At the same time, I know that I deserve good things and I know that God sees my heart.

I felt called to write this down today for my daughter to call on when she needs reminding. Also, to serve as a reminder to those of you out there who may need it or know of someone who may need it. Our job on earth is to lift each other up, care for each other, invest in each other, and support each other in Christ. We are not meant to do it alone. We are meant to do it together. Remind others of your love for them and Christ’s love for them….you never know how you’ll impact them and you never know if it may be your last words to them in this life. Love always wins!

Much  LOVE,

Amanda C.

The last few months seem like a never-ending blur of life that quickly came and went. I haven’t had the time to sit and think about them let alone sit and write about them. Today, at this moment, I should be working on my thesis project, finishing cleaning, doing laundry, etc. But I can’t because my mind is wandering due to all the changes that have occurred, are occurring, and are going to occur. If there is one thing I have learned in life it is that change is inevitable. I can not plan enough to stop it or control it, it simply is what it is. In late October, I found out that I was going to be a grandmother. In November, I had to have a biopsy due to a health scare that came out okay but is worrisome and has to be continuously watched. In December, I celebrated my daughter’s birthday, our anniversary, and the birth of Christ. In January, I came to terms with the fact that my youngest child turned 10 years old and that I am no longer a mother of young children (this was exceptionally hard). The next week our lives changed again with news of my husband’s job change, across the country no less. We have spent the last few weeks battling a nasty virus that exploded on to all the family members of our house, despite my best efforts at sanitizing and cleaning. We’ve been planning, searching, and praying for a place for my husband to live that is safe and affordable while we are living with the expenses of two households. To complicate things I have had a job change. Thankfully, amongst all of these changes I have reliable friends that I have built incredible relationships with and with a phone call or two I have the income needed to support my family during this time. Let’s compound the issue a smidge more with the fact that I am finishing my masters degree during all of this. To say the least, I have had my moments of insane thoughts and stress, but really overall I am rather proud of myself. I am proud of myself that I have remained calm, believed, prayed, and remained optimistic that all these things are possible one day at a time with God laying out each step. Every time I think it is impossible, I say a small prayer. Every time I become overwhelmed, I say a small prayer. Every time I start missing my husband, (he’s not even gone yet) I say a small prayer. Every time I think about not getting to see my grand baby and daughter anytime I want after we move, I say a small prayer. Every time I think about missing my step-sons events and his ornery smile, I say a small prayer. The list could continue for eternity. During these times I remind myself that life is so short and I want to be able to say that I experienced it. I want to be able to say that I showed my children how to be brave and confident in Christ and themselves through change. I want to show them to be unafraid of the unknown because whatever it may bring God is bigger, stronger, and overwhelmingly behind them during all of it. I want them to see life outside of their bubble of comfort and become uncomfortable. During that discomfort I want them to learn how to cope, gain confidence, learn different ways of living, and challenge who they are while determining who they want to become. I want them to see how society binds us with certain beliefs and I want them to blow those societal binds to shreds as they become world changers in their own individual ways. Most of all, I want them to be happy. Happy in whatever moment they are in. Happy during the pain of leaving. Acknowledging those fears and sadness is needed. And after that acknowledgment comes the time to celebrate what we have had and what is to come. With all these things in mind, I will teach them that it is okay to be sad and nervous as long as it never defeats what we are meant to do. The next few months we will slowly transition our lives away from our loved ones, away from our family home, and away from our community and friends. We have been so incredibly blessed with our lives and relationships. I don’t know how California can compare to the love that we have of our childhood home….but without fear…We will give it a shot with an open mind to what God is taking us to next… TO BE CONTINUED..

Love,

The Chapman’s

It feels like the last few years have been one thing after another. It’s funny how our mind tries to protect itself by forgetting a lot of details. Recently, we found out that we are going to be grandparents. WHAT?? 34 years old and a grandma! I freaked out for a few reasons. Number one: My daughter is 19…yeah so my daughter is 19… Number two: we have 8 people living in our house. Number three: My daughter is 19.. Number four: I can barely keep up with the current 8 people. Number five: My daughter is 19. Number six: I still haven’t slept a full night due to my youngest…and the sleepless cycle continues. Number seven: My daughter is 19. You get the point… I will give you a down low…this is the real deal right here about what I have learned in life and this situation so far. But first, let me explain my personality a bit. I am blunt, outgoing, and as extrovert as it gets. I am a “FIXER.” I have mentioned this before…. When faced with a stressful situation I immediately have a physical/emotional response. A “freak out” period of time, if you will. Depending on the situation and all the other situations that are simultaneously happening this freak out time period could be a few hours or a few weeks. It all depends on the variables involved. Regardless, of the how long it takes me, I always do the right thing. We found out that our daughter was pregnant at the same time that I am helping with a program that I am a part of (which is time-consuming), while I am dealing with some health issues of my own, health issues with our oldest son, and I am currently working full-time and writing my thesis for my Master’s degree that I will be graduating from in April. About the same time that our G-baby Jaxon will be joining us. To say the least…I was on overload. The day-to-day stresses of 5 children and work and school and household chores and scheduling children’s appointments and my own homework is daunting. Not to mention I have another part-time job to help bring up the slack for medical bills. At this point it just starts getting insane.. Alright, now let me bring it back to what I have learned in life and what this situation has taught me. I will start with this..I got pregnant at 19 and had my first child. The situation was stressful and his father and I were not together. (My husband adopted my son.) The comments and guessing games of who my “baby daddy” could be, from members of my small community became comical but stung non-the-less. Being a single mother, living with my best friend, and going to college was hard. I lived in a nasty apartment (it was all we could afford) and was always stressed. At the time I was so mad at my dad for hanging me out to dry. Now, I am thankful that he was hard on me. I learned how to survive. Those years were character building for me. I learned how to push through the struggle. That’s for sure… It made me even more of a fighter than I already was and I am thankful for that. Of course, all of these memories come flooding back when we find out that our daughter is pregnant. I am instantly reminded of how hard it was, how I had to talk myself in to finishing school (a few times), and how stressed I was (that hasn’t really changed, I just handle it better.) I went through the last month wondering how to handle this situation. Do I become crazy momma bear and make sure everything is just right and so so? The OCD part of me wants to do that!! Badly!! Once I got through my initial reaction (it took a few weeks) I landed on a better plan. My husband and I talked nightly about how to encourange our daughter to take responsibility and teach her what parenting is. If we do everything for her, how are we setting her up to be ready? This was so hard for me. I want to protect her and Jaxon. I know things will get done if I am doing them. (Again, that is the OCD talking.) I prayed, Alan and I prayed, and we talked. We sought advice from our parents.. ALL of which had children who had kids at a young age. We asked them what they thought about us? How did they make the decisions they made for us? They all said the same thing in different ways. Pretty much, I have to let go and support my daughter rather than do everything. (Again, this is so freaking hard for me) All of these conversations are happening while my father is moving out. (He lived with us for 3 and 1/2 years) and then I have to let go of a child too? It’s too much.. My daughter moved in with my mom to have more space for her and the baby and so our other kiddos have some space of their own. We all felt like that would work better so that she could have privacy and my mom has two extra rooms, she lives alone, and she has great snuggle boobs. (It’s a fact Nana, baby’s love those boobs!) Taking all these things into consideration it was what was needed. So now here I am with what feels like the most empty house I have ever lived in. (we still have 6 people..lol..gosh I am so dramatic) This situation has reminded me of a lesson that I have learned so many times in life.. I can’t control it and I can’t fix it. I have to have faith that I have taught all the lessons and that my kids have listened and GOD has them. If there is ever a test of faith, this has been it for me. I want my daughter to succeed! I want her to realize what she is capable of! I want her to have confidence in who she is! None of these things happen if I do it all for her… So, I let go and come along side her in support of her needs when she asks. ( I didn’t think this time would come for a while. I wasn’t ready for all these parenting decisions!) Now that I have gotten my millions of emotions off of my chest I have to say all the positives. This will most likely be the most loved child who has ever lived! Between our familly and his father’s family he will always have love! He has amazing grandparents on both sides who have so much life experience to teach him. He has aunts of all ages and uncles who will more than likely be like older brothers to him! Who doesn’t need a few older brothers and cousins to have your back? Now that all of our life changes are done for at least another few months, I can focus on being a Gigi and doing what grandmas do…FREAKING SUGAR THEM UP AND SEND THEM HOME! I have always said that I was made to be a grandma! I am going to love this! I didn’t plan on being this young as a grandma but I am going to kill it and so will my husband. I plan on still being able to out run him in ten years! That’s the definition of a kick ass grandma, one that can out run you!! Yes…people… I am going to nail this grandma gig! Have a great Thanksgiving!!

Amanda

I have three daughters… This fact weighs on me heavily everyday. I can’t tell you why. I think about my boys all day long also, but for some reason my daughters are always heavily in my thoughts. I have thought a lot lately about the racial tension within the United States. The long-standing issues that this country has had with racial divides. I hate it. Every time that comes up in topic, my mind then wanders to the gender prejudice that has lived throughout the world since the beginning of time. My thoughts then come back to my daughters. They are mixed race, Native American and Caucasian. I hate thinking about their race or blend of races being held against them for any reason. I hate to think that because they are women that their opinions will not be heard and their capabilities will be considered void.

You see my husband is the leader of our home. He is a quiet man in public. However, people seem to misconstrue his quiet nature for lack of opinions and conviction. I am the loud boistrous one between the two of us. We speak to each other on the issues that concern our family and because I have a knack for speaking, I am the one who voices whatever issue might exist (most of the time). What people tend to forget is that my husband agrees. For example an issue came up with one of our children a few years back. We had not moved back to our home town yet and my husband worked an hour away. I went in to address the issue, ask my questions to make sure I understood correctly, and attempt to solve the problem. I got treated like I was an idiot for having any questions at all…I called my husband and told him that he would have to handle this one. (Surprise..he talks!) He went in and addressed the same issue and said the same things and got treated with the utmost respect. Hmm…okay, I see how this works.

This is a passionate topic for me.. just ask my father. We argue constantly about things in this world that are inadvertantly degrading women. One thing we do agree on is women degrading themselves. That is a culture cycle that has been handed down from woman to woman for centuries and needs to be broken. Women deserve respect and should not settle for anything less. A strong man makes sure he exemplifies that in how he treats his wife and how he treats and teaches his daughter. A strong woman exemplifies that in how she conducts herself while her daughter is growing and learning.

I will say this, there are a lot of issues in the world. But racial and gender prejudice has gone on long enough. I do not want my daughters growing up in a world that disrespects their culture and their femininity. They WILL know who they are, where they come from, what they deserve, and not to be ashamed of the talents that GOD has blessed them with.

I turned a year older this last week. Contemplating my life, goals, and parenting is on my mind daily. It is especially exacerbated when my birthday rolls around. If you don’t know me well I will let you in on a little secret. I AM A PLANNER! I have gotten better at living freely and not planning as I have aged. Mainly because I don’t have the energy I once did to plan every little detail. Now I just hit the big stuff and the details fall where they may. I preface this blog with all this to get to my main point. The one thing that I have learned as I get older is that life should be FUN! I have spent too much of my life being the planner… being serious…being responsible…etc. The older I get the more I want to experience life outside of my comfort zone. I want to challenge my body. I want to challenge my mind. I want to show my kids that mom is fun too..not just dad. So let’s get down to the nitty gritty… how is this accomplished? Well, for those of us who were born focused on accomplishing daily goals and being serious, we have to retrain our brains. I get up every morning and workout. It gives me a time to be physical and not have to think. All I do is jam to some rap.. specifically NOTORIOUS B.I.G. (Who doesn’t love Biggie Smalls?) Seriously, he has some good beats..besides the language…he was a genius. Back to my point..I get up early and it gives me time to work out some energy and start my day right. Then I read my bible app for the day… right now I’m reading through the book of Isaiah. God put it on my heart a few years ago to read Isaiah and focus on what he wanted me to learn from it. I keep re-reading it because I haven’t found yet what I am meant to get from it…but I will one day. After this, I have time to actually fix my hair and put makeup on. (The public is thankful for that one) Anyway, this time every morning gets me set for the day. I am ready to face the world and enjoy the day. I find myself, throughout the day, resorting back to my task mentality and getting lost in the things that don’t matter. For example, when I come home for lunch and I get 3o minutes with my husband to connect without kids around. I start to see dishes, sweeping, and laundry loads dancing in my mind. That is the devil keeping me from my time with my husband. So, I have to catch myself and focus on what matters. What matters is my dead sexy husband wanting to spend his lunch with me. Man…I’m a lucky girl! So the point of this blog is to learn how to get away from the things that we make a priority that shouldn’t be. That’s brain training and thought training. Just like we train our muscles to do an exercise or workout, we slowly become better at that exercise. We become stronger. The same concept applies here. Get up everyday and train your brain to focus on what is important not the details that won’t matter later. Eventually, it becomes habit to think the way you want. I am currently training my brain to have fun in every thought. Do you know how interesting it is to think about how to have fun in every moment? It seriously makes the world look so much different. I don’t come off as the responsible type in this scenario, but I don’t care. I am enjoying getting out of my own head and living life for my happiness. My goal one day is for my children to remember how goofy mom was and how I could have fun in any situation with them. I am not perfect at it, “progress not perfection.” I will leave you with this. What is your brain training that you need to work on? Think about it and set your mind to changing it!

I am so excited that school is back in session for my kiddos. At the same time, I am sad that my calendar has started to look like a rainbow puked on it. (Everything is color coded) We go back to homework, practices, and a zillion activities. This year especially, has reminded me that I only have 5 more years to make sure that my sons are fully prepared for adult life. 5 more years to make sure that they know how to manage money, shower properly (the struggle is real!), and be responsible. Questions come to mind such as: “Are they confident enough to oppose peer pressure against drugs, sex, etc?” “Do they realize how crazy some girls are?” (Ladies, don’t be offended. Be honest with yourselves, you know what I am talking about here) “Are they able to communicate effectively their needs and be resourceful for themselves?” The answer to these questions are unclear to me. That freaks me out! So, my fourteen year old has been bombarded with uncomfortable talks that include: honoring himself and his future wife, characteristics of crazy girls to watch for, and the outcomes of drug abuse. Honestly, he has been tired of me talking but he is too nice to tell me to stop. Today, as I am having another talk with him, he asked me if we could take a break from the talks. I honored him since he handled it like an adult and was polite about it. First off, the fact that my teenage son communicated to me like a calm, peaceful adult made me so proud. He didn’t react, he didn’t show impatience or frustration, he just asked calmly. I can check “calm communicator” off my list of things to teach him. Through all of this thinking, I have started to think about making my children’s every moment a priority. Not that they weren’t already a priority, but I am focusing more on every little second we have because those seconds are slowly drifting away. So now we get up every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 5:30am and we work out together to start our day. We have time together to talk, listen, and learn about each other as individuals. It has been so refreshing to learn about life from his point of view. (teenage boys are gross and weird, but I don’t let that show on my face! I am stoic..I am strong!) It’s even more weird to see him as a small man rather than my little boy. I struggle with that concept everyday!! I will continue to adapt and find ways to connect, teach, and listen to my boys. Every time they want something from me I tell them I will do it if they will have a serious talk with me. It worked one time. The barter was for a video game and my step-son was a trooper through my speech and totally engaged with me in the conversation. He was happy with the video game and I felt like an accomplished parent having spoke immense wisdom into his life! That’s called a “win, win” folks! I say all of this to say, DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET THROUGH TO THEM. The world plays a ruthless game with our children. I will go to endless lengths to make sure they know what they need to know, have confidence in themselves, and are prepared for life as much as possible.

PS. Make sure and have some fun while doing it!

Until next time…. Amanda C

So, I have to write a post on this topic. I feel like I am being called to write it… It seems that in society today that there are so many people with the “victim mentality.” This may be controversial to some, but it is not intended to be. It is merely my observation and opinion. When I say, “Victim Mentality” I mean those who never find fault in themselves but are always able to find fault in someone else. I feel like this mentality steals the thunder of those who really are victims in this world. In reality, we are all a victim of something. What makes the difference in life is if we choose to live in this place in our own minds. Some of us have significant reasons to be a victim. Some of  us don’t really have a reason at all, but we were never raised to see our own faults so we innately make it someone else’s fault. Either way, who does this help? Does it help any of us to live blaming others for our hurt? Nope, it only causes us to continually hurt, hate, blame shift, and never live up to what God created us to do. I can say this because I spent a lot of time in early adulthood living in this mentality. Making my parents feel awful for never being the parents that I thought they should be or protecting me the way that I thought they should. Now that I am a mother and a nurse, I see what my parents did for me. They didn’t mean to do it, but it was kinda just the circumstances at the time. They didn’t rescue me from life. They didn’t talk to my teachers for me. They didn’t coddle me or fight my battles for me. They stepped in after I proved that I had exhausted all my resources. But believe me, I had to prove that I had attempted communication through the “chain of command.” (My dad is a retired Lt. Col. for the Army) Everything was about respect and following the chain of command. If you know him today, he is nothing like he was when I was growing up. My kids see a much softer side. I mean seriously, there was no pouting or acting like a baby when it came to my dad. He had no mercy because he knew the world would have no mercy. My brother got sent to military school for an entire summer. I will never forget dropping him off. I realized at that point in time, my dad wasn’t playing around! It hit home people! Coming back to my original point… I know enough about myself to know that I am strong-willed. If I hadn’t had my dad there, challenging me to act right and be better, where would I be? Who would I be? When I got pregnant at 19, he said good luck. He supported me emotionally and he has always been a wonderful grandpa.. but he wanted me to feel the extent of my decisions. My very real, very life altering decisions. I am glad that he did! It has made me better, more mature, and stronger than I ever imagined. As a nurse today, I watch parents coddle and coddle and coddle some more. It is natural. I catch myself doing it and then I have to talk myself out of it… As my children get older, I am reminded more and more of why I need to step back from taking action and be more of a verbal guide for them. Now, I am not saying that parents should not be parents in situations that call for it… don’t twist this into something extreme. I am saying that we need to allow our children to handle their lives, fight some battles, and fail if they need to. It is the only way that they will learn how strong they are as an individual, how to rely on God, and how to cope effectively. My parents didn’t do everything the right way and I don’t do everything the right way. But I am trying to be a good parent and I know God sees my imperfect effort. (He probably laughs a lot too..it makes me smile to think about me making God laugh….#winning) I have a great friend that is so smart..(she’s a social worker and she is excellent at it!) One day she and I were talking. I am telling her how I feel like I work too much and I am not a good mom for all kinds of reasons. She says, “Amanda, do your kids have a better life than you did at their age?” I say, “Heck yes, my parents fought all the time and childhood was hectic.” She said, “then you are doing your job.” I had never thought about it like that. I was so busy being hard on myself and BLAMING life circumstances for having to work so much that I didn’t realize what I was doing right. This is just one example, but reflecting on life I see how many different times I have done this to myself. For me, it had to do with changing my outlook to simply see what was going right and what I was doing right. We don’t need a world full of people blaming each other. We need a world full of generations of people who know how to help themselves, help each other, and pick themselves up and dust themselves off when the situation calls for it. We need to stop being the victims and start being the winners!