Forever changing.

The last few months seem like a never-ending blur of life that quickly came and went. I haven’t had the time to sit and think about them let alone sit and write about them. Today, at this moment, I should be working on my thesis project, finishing cleaning, doing laundry, etc. But I can’t because my mind is wandering due to all the changes that have occurred, are occurring, and are going to occur. If there is one thing I have learned in life it is that change is inevitable. I can not plan enough to stop it or control it, it simply is what it is. In late October, I found out that I was going to be a grandmother. In November, I had to have a biopsy due to a health scare that came out okay but is worrisome and has to be continuously watched. In December, I celebrated my daughter’s birthday, our anniversary, and the birth of Christ. In January, I came to terms with the fact that my youngest child turned 10 years old and that I am no longer a mother of young children (this was exceptionally hard). The next week our lives changed again with news of my husband’s job change, across the country no less. We have spent the last few weeks battling a nasty virus that exploded on to all the family members of our house, despite my best efforts at sanitizing and cleaning. We’ve been planning, searching, and praying for a place for my husband to live that is safe and affordable while we are living with the expenses of two households. To complicate things I have had a job change. Thankfully, amongst all of these changes I have reliable friends that I have built incredible relationships with and with a phone call or two I have the income needed to support my family during this time. Let’s compound the issue a smidge more with the fact that I am finishing my masters degree during all of this. To say the least, I have had my moments of insane thoughts and stress, but really overall I am rather proud of myself. I am proud of myself that I have remained calm, believed, prayed, and remained optimistic that all these things are possible one day at a time with God laying out each step. Every time I think it is impossible, I say a small prayer. Every time I become overwhelmed, I say a small prayer. Every time I start missing my husband, (he’s not even gone yet) I say a small prayer. Every time I think about not getting to see my grand baby and daughter anytime I want after we move, I say a small prayer. Every time I think about missing my step-sons events and his ornery smile, I say a small prayer. The list could continue for eternity. During these times I remind myself that life is so short and I want to be able to say that I experienced it. I want to be able to say that I showed my children how to be brave and confident in Christ and themselves through change. I want to show them to be unafraid of the unknown because whatever it may bring God is bigger, stronger, and overwhelmingly behind them during all of it. I want them to see life outside of their bubble of comfort and become uncomfortable. During that discomfort I want them to learn how to cope, gain confidence, learn different ways of living, and challenge who they are while determining who they want to become. I want them to see how society binds us with certain beliefs and I want them to blow those societal binds to shreds as they become world changers in their own individual ways. Most of all, I want them to be happy. Happy in whatever moment they are in. Happy during the pain of leaving. Acknowledging those fears and sadness is needed. And after that acknowledgment comes the time to celebrate what we have had and what is to come. With all these things in mind, I will teach them that it is okay to be sad and nervous as long as it never defeats what we are meant to do. The next few months we will slowly transition our lives away from our loved ones, away from our family home, and away from our community and friends. We have been so incredibly blessed with our lives and relationships. I don’t know how California can compare to the love that we have of our childhood home….but without fear…We will give it a shot with an open mind to what God is taking us to next… TO BE CONTINUED..

Love,

The Chapman’s